Watching Sophia (my daughter) turn one is the most beautiful part about her birthday.  She can hear out of both ears, see out of both eyes, she's walking, speaking languages I've never heard before, she likes Waffles and loves sweet potatoes.  Her health, growth and happiness are all her father and I can pray and thank God for! But, this year has also held some really dark moments of growth for me personally. In fact I've grown so much.

I've changed because becoming a Mom changes you. I think differently, I operate differently, I see others differently and most importantly what's important to me is different. But lets rewind a little bit so you can see where I came/come from. Before I had Sophie I was an independent hustler paving my way in the beauty industry. I worked long hours and most weeks, 6 to 7 days. I felt liberated because I took care of myself by myself. I paid my expensive New York rent, all my bills, I gifted myself with vacations, spa treatments, designer shoes and even could keep up with my hobby- dissecting beauty products! Today, I'm a stay at home Mom /Entrepreneur building a business from scratch and I'm learning how to lean on my man's support financially. I know a lot of women think having a partner who is the breadwinner while you're at home holding everything else down is "the life"; well, honey I'm here to tell you most days I'd rather go to work. Plus, I have interests that I am passionate about still brewing inside of me that I've got to get out in the universe!

Being a stay at home Mom is super hard and you're very busy. In fact, I've met a lot of mothers that say they would never want to stay at home because you rarely get a moment for yourself. I'm also the set crew, the editing team, the script writer/narrator, the concept/trend creator, the makeup artist, the model and the equipment fixer for my YouTube channel. So let's just say my role has changed from day to night. I have less outside interaction because I'm at home building a business instead of in the office with coworkers. I'm also the first out of the majority of my close friends to have a baby. Both concepts are very isolating in itself.

Now let's talk about friends. There were some that attended my baby shower, came by after the baby was born, called to check on her, came over to hold and play with her but, there were also some who didn't make my shower, never call to check on her or haven't even met her yet. I struggled a lot with friendships because it was hard for me to understand why others couldn't comprehend the importance of my life changing events and more importantly that I needed them. But, today I now understand that these are MY life changing events and not theirs and that one day they will understand the importance and/or possibly see and experience what I've been through. I've also realized through this process I need to make more of an effort to be there for others during their life changing events. You never know who needs you. All and all, I'm writing this to say -we all have dark days but how you turn it all around and conquer tomorrow is what's important! I absolutely loved celebrating my daughter on her special day but I had a drink to celebrate me too! Cheers ladies, xo Nicole